Thursday, June 27, 2013


I went to take PET/CT and brought my daughter with me. 

At the reception, I was dismayed to learn that a small child like her cannot come near me for 2 hours after the test because of too much radiation exposure. That meant she had to wait for more than 4 hours alone! 

That's ridiculous...nobody told me about it at the clinic, and I regretted that I didn't study what to expect. I didn't even think about radiation at all in the first stupid of me. It is totally against natural treatment.... Later on I learned that the dosage of radiation under PET/CT is 250 times greater than regular X-ray. But it was too late.

When I was all done and came back to the waiting area after about 90 to 120 minutes, I saw my daughter waited patiently, bored by playing her Nintendo DS and reading all the books there. Too bad I could not hug her, but glad she was old enough to know that she had to keep distance from me.

I was told that as long as keeping 1 meter away from each other would be fine, so we went to eat. We were starving! So we sat far apart from each other in a big table and enjoyed lunch for 2 hours. We used the time to plan fun things to do in L.A.

I was very tired that day. Maybe from too much radiation...or from the cappuccino I had for a little treat for myself! .....or both. (Eating out is tricky for my diet in general, especially the salt part.)

Sunday, June 23, 2013

25 "I'm sorry, but I decided not to take chemical treatment."

Going back to where I was at my medical situation,
I had to make a decision on a course of treatment, and finally the day came. 

My mom, still mostly on her wheel chair and very weak from her illness made it to accompany me at the appointment.

The breast clinic finally found Herceptin would not suit my cancer type from the series of examinations, and recommended I should start from taking another anti-cancer drug first and then hormone treatment. 

By the time I became clear that I had no intention of going through chemical cure. But I kept my option open for just in case. I wanted to respect what the doctors would offer. 

"So when would you like to start?", said the doctor.
"I'm sorry, but I decided not to take chemical treatment", said I.
"I decided to take natural treatment. I do believe in it."
"...I see. If you insist, we cannot force you. In that case please sign here."
Doctor pulled out a piece of paper to prove that they had informed me and offered treatment to me, and I signed.

I finally had the guts to say it! 
I appreciated that this doctor in charge of chemical treatment was not like the others who treated me in mocking tone when I mentioned natural treatment.
And I appreciated that my mom supported my decision.

Only thing I decided to take forward medically was to take PET/CT to see if there was any cancer development in other area.

I said to the doctor that I would not resist to take chemotherapy only if something really crucial found by PET/CT, like metastatic cancer in my brain. 

24. How do you deal with unhappy periods? 3. Deep breathing

It may sound too common, but still the most powerful and fundamental tool is Deep Breathing.

Ultimately, to master deep breathing is the quickest way to be free from it all.

Although there are many kinds of deep breathing, what I mean here is a simple one that you could use anywhere, anytime. I always do while commuting on a crowded train by the way.

Start by breathing out
Usually when you need deep breathing the most, you are either nervous, tense, stressed or anything far from relaxed state, so It must be difficult to breathe (for me at least), as if breathing seems never enough and you feel like choking.

People say, "relax" in the middle of my stressful spot, but how? If it's that easy, then I wouldn't be stressed any more!

That's me. So I start by "breathing out". Breathe out as slowly as possible, and completely. (And hold it for a few seconds if you can.)
Then you got to breathe in. If you try this cycle several times, then "breathe in and out" becomes easy.

Whenever you FEEL the painful feelings, I suggest you do deep breathing. "Letting go" works  so powerfully and feels so relieving with "breathing out".

Eckhart Tolle says, the instant path to "be present" is to focus on breathing. Because to be aware of your breathing and notice the sensation caused by breathing, expansion and contraction of your chest and abdomen could take your attention away from "thinking"

Saturday, June 22, 2013

23. How do you deal with unhappy periods? 2. Effective Questions

2. Effective Questions

Here is another great learning from Divine Openings that I would like to share. 
If you feel OK enough, try some of these Effective Questions to see if they raise your spirits.

We ask questions which open up possibilities and stimulate our mind vs limiting and discouraging to shift our attention to positive/bright side. 
By that, we head to positive/bright side because we are designed to head to where we look at by nature.

How do we do it?
Simply throw questions like below, and smile, and forget about them. (The key it to do everything so lightly without getting attached)

- How can I attract something wonderful, which will make me feel full of life?

- How would it feel to dramatically swing to the bright side?

- Where is the magic switch I can turn on to make the world a brighter place?

- What if this is a major clean-up for me and I can start fresh?

- Where are the people who are waiting for me?

See any difference in your vibration?
Human can only do a little, but US, the unlimited being, the large self, can do the work in the subconscious level. Your subconscious may lead you to the answer while you forget about it.

Just be careful not to ask scary questions like, "Why can't I do it right?", "What if I can' make it?", "How dare...", "How many times..." , those will only make you feel worse.

You might encounter a couple more bumps afterwards, that might discourage you and make you think, “see, things are not getting any better.”

But those could be reflections from the low-vibration stage in the past. Be patient and try to react neutral until the typhoon passes.

22 How do you deal with unhappy periods? ... continued from #1

At this point, you may feel calm enough to realize this is happening for a good reason.
Usually, you cannot think this way when you feel down. But actually you are a step away from a breakthrough to a higher place, only if you allow it!

If you are in that state, you may skip to 2. Effective Question.

Or you may be disappointed to find that nothing has changed yet. You may feel tight knots in your stomach, hate someone and yourself, and the whole world, or you may be too depressed to even speak to anyone.

If so, don't blame yourself for anything. Say, "All feelings are good." and embrace yourself.
Go back and do #1 as much as you want to, as it's normal to take time! Or, totally forget it and do something different if you can, and come back when you are ready.

If you are facing with something you can't have any control of, 
surrender to the universe to sort out for you than you trying to solve on your own,
and just let things happen through you, like you become transparent. And just observe.

Just accept, just be, 
Relax, let go, let it pass. 
There is always an end to everything.

As you get the hang of it, you may love doing this because it really help you let go of grudges  or any residuals of unpleasant memories.

You might want to bear with the feelings until it rises, otherwise it will creep up to haunt you. If you are as impatient as I, you might want to get out from the low vibration sooner, and later on going back there again for more "feeling", which is perfectly fine as long as you know what's going on!

If you feel light and empty, and finally a smile on your face,  you are ready to recharge yourself! Congratulations!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

21 How do you deal with unhappy periods?      1. Feel without mind chatter

Being happy all the time seems impossible.
Things happen and sometimes it is unbearable.

So how do we deal with such unhappy periods?

There is nothing that will work like miracle unfortunately!
But we can try to minimize the damage and stop the downward spiral at a moderate depth.

I will share what works best for me, mainly from what I learned from "Divine Openings":

1. FEEL the emotional pain fully without chattering in your mind.

All the feelings need to be felt in order to rise. In other words, you feel alright once you feel all the feelings (the painful ones in this case).

Usual mind-trap
If you feel a pain, your mind wants to blame it on something, often others or yourself at worst. Once the chatter starts, despite the fact that you try to sort it out logically and act mature, your pain only seems aggravated. 

Then, You either take it out on others and feel worse, or abuse yourself by unhealthy behaviors, or hold it in to manifest as physical or mental illness.

So how do we do exactly?
A) Stop the mind's incessant chatter, such as:
"How could he do that to me?"
"Why did I fail again?"
"It's not my fault, because..."
Because those are good for nothing, and without them, it is so much easier to get over the pain.
Simply imagine to switch off your mind.
(In "Divine Openings", it's stated as "drop the story".)

B) Listen to what your heart is crying for. That is the 5 year-old in you wanted to be heard.
Translate it to start with "I", not "He" or "She".
Put the phrases as simple as, 
"I’m so sad!" 
"I feel neglected!"
"I feel rejected!"
"I wanted to get recognition!"
"I wanted to feel loved!"
Then feel what's unfolding.

And say it’s OK, don't make it wrong, and embrace yourself.
It may surprise you how simple your pain/stress was about so you could let go easily when you drop "the story".

Do you feel a lump in your throat yet? Or do you feel something is released or lifted?
Most of all, do you realize the pain is not there any more, or at least lighter?

Furthermore, here are my favorite quotes which could help in related situation.

"The mind cannot forgive, only YOU can."
Beautifully said by Eckhart Tolle, which always touches my heart whenever I'm angry.
YOU means the large self, the higher self, the real YOU as a being not limited by the body but connected with the whole. It's good to know the angry, depressed, stressful and small you are not the real you! You are more to that.

No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.” 
This famous quote by Einstein reminds me whenever I catch myself trying to "sort out problems" by unhappy mind.

Sunday, June 16, 2013

20 Hot and Cold Water Therapy

Looking back, the whole continuum of breast cancer care happened in the ideal timing. I had surgery in the end of April, and rested at home the following week, which is  the most pleasant time of year in Tokyo. Post-sugical care was easy in the season, without stress of too cold or too hot. And Raw food diet is easiest in summer, so I was really lucky.

Speaking of too cold and too hot, one of the natural treatment I really liked and tried almost every day was Hot and Cold Water Therapy by Dr. Schulze's Incurables program. Among his hard-core Hydrotherapies, this was the easiest for me to try on my own. 

According to Dr. Schulze, hot water brings blood flow to the surface of the body, while the cold water drives blood flow to the core of the body, thus by alternating Hot and Cold water brings fresh blood to the organs and glands and all parts of the body. He says, "Increasing the circulation HEALS YOU FASTER." in 20 Powerful Steps.

Prior to visiting his store, I started reading his books online, as his books are available to read for free on his blog site

My medical doctor at the breast clinic said I could take a shower from the 2nd day after surgery, and I should start taking a bath after a week. He writes in his book that taking a bath to warm your body, especially up to the shoulders will help blood circulate to cure post-surgical trauma faster.

Although I was scared to do anything to the surgery site, and worried about infection from the wounds, I started trying the Hot and Cold Water Therapy  on the surgery site after taking a bath.  I always liked hot bath and the routine of hot sauna and cold bath, so it was easy for me and felt good to do, although the first few seconds of cold shower was tough, but again, the warm season helped.

Saturday, June 15, 2013

19 My iMac and me

Something symbolic and funny happened. 
I had a 4 year-old iMac at the time, and it kept shutting down with nasty groaning noise. I asked around and researched for the cause in vain, and ended up replacing with a new one. (Another painful investment!)

Luckily, a friend wanted to take the old one, so instead of paying to recycle, I was going to pack it neatly to send it off COD. When taking the old iMac off my desk, I saw the back of it for the first time since I set it up there. There I saw, the big black fluffy round thing stuck in the back of the monitor!

Good Heavens! That was something I subconsciously  avoided to look. How strange that no one including myself detected this for the cause! It was as simple as I forgot to clean the vent until my poor iMac ended up groaning in overheat.

I was plucking the thick dust from the vent and thinking, ”Now it should work just like new over there!"

How funny it's so simple but takes this much to realize.  It's just like me, over the years my heart was slowly getting stuffed with stress, overlooked for so long, and now is the major clean-up time.

18 Small concerns?

Although it may have sounded out of the question from a matured and prudent adult's point of view, it sounded wonderful and exciting from a pure child's POV, and it seemed like the powerful medicine that would cure all my illness!

Besides all the "small" concerns, I started planning right away. Conveniently enough, Lola Jones who I was going to take sessions with and Dr. Schulze's store where I was going to buy detox program from were both reachable from L.A., my dear second home town.

Here are how I sorted out my "small" concerns about the big travel:
1. Money→I made it OK since I got a better-paying job, and I still had an active bank account in the US with enough balance to spend during the visit.
2. Health→L.A. is the most health-consious city in the world, so I shouldn't worry about my raw-food, no-salt, no-animal related food diet. 
3. My daughter→Though she had school, I decided to take her with me, and celebrate her birthday there!

It's really up to how you take things, isn't it? It's all about giving "permissions" to yourself. The key is, once you decided, don't doubt about it, or simply cancel it if you can't feel good about your decision.

I was reading about testimonials/healing stories of both Lola's and Dr.Schulze's to be inspired how they cured from various illnesses and became happier. 

Thursday, June 13, 2013

16 Responsibility as a Single Mom?

The answer always lies within your heart.
Against all odds, I still believed in natural cure, as there really are many people who cured from their serious diseases, and I wanted to give it a try for myself.

Meanwhile, from all the objections, this was the hardest one:
"You have to be responsible for your health because you have a child to take care of!"

This made me feel like I was selfish to avoid "legitimate" treatment. But I finally came down to what felt just right for me:

"I want to defeat cancer on my own and live happily, and I will show my child how I do it!"

There, I am responsible for myself and my child.

 decided to try Dr.Schulze's Detox Program for physical approach, and for spiritual approach, to take Skype sessions with Lola Jones, who is a founder of  "Divine Openings"which I had been largely influenced by and helped already at the time.

Monday, June 10, 2013

15 Lots of research could kill you. Just go with you gut feeling.

This was the worst case scenario for me. This meant my cancer had spread widely through the lymph nodes. It sounded pretty bad, and once again, my revived California dream was shattered completely.

Although my heart was almost in natural healing, this result made it sink, as if in no-win situation. Were all the healthy endeavors meaningless?

I had to wait for further examination results in order for the doctors to decide  which treatment would suite the character of my cancer. Anyway, in a few weeks I had to make up my mind about how to proceed. It seemed impossible for me to decline doctor's suggestions at this point.

At the time I was still researching on breast cancer from natural cure to the latest medical cure, reading patients'  blogs and also checking information and books I received from family and friends. I thought I had to find the best answer somewhere out there.

Thing is, there are so many cases, reports, datas that you would want to read in limited time and you'd find nothing is perfect because there are always contradictions.
You would end up exhausted and stressed for "not knowing the best answer".

Anita Moorjani, who cured from metastatic cancer through Near Death Experience says, "Lots of research could create fear, and fear creates cancer. I'd say you just go with your gut feelings which treatment you decide to take."

Sunday, June 9, 2013

14 Lymph node biopsy results

The next day after my daughter left for school, I took off the breast band. My breast, underarm and side were badly bruised and looked nothing like what I took glance of right after the surgery.  

Soon after, a lady from my neighborhood, who is a childcare person for my daughter kindly visited me to  see if I was doing fine. She is the nicest lady I ever know. I only told her about my surgery but did not tell her any details. She brought me some fruit and asked me if she could help me in any way. I was so grateful, and asked her to go shopping with me.  It was a bit challenging because it hurt to walk, but it was worthwhile. My doctor recommended that I should exercise as much as I could, since I was suppose to go back to work in a week.

And from the next day, it was the long weekend. I sent my child to her father for 4 days, and again my friend helped accompanying her to the airport.

How I appreciated everything!  
I looked at my bruised breasts every day and thanked God or universe for letting me have these miracles.

After 4 days of the surgery, I went back to the clinic for check-up and results for biopsy. Again, with the same dear friend to accompany me to witness. 

The doctor made a sour face and said,  "The results were no good. "
In regular lymph node biopsy they take out 4 lymph nodes to check, but in my case they took 8 and they were all infected. Therefore they recommended that I should  take chemotherapy, and hormone treatment to follow, and radiation. The full course!

13 After surgery

I started to hear something from far away, and still in a haze, these voices reminded me that I was being given surgery. 

"Wonder how she's going to support herself after this.""She's going through divorce with her child, and her mother is in serious illness."

Doctors must have had no idea that I could hear their conversation, but it was done so close to me and just above me,  and I was in between them.

"Gee, leave me alone! I can make it somehow!", I said to myself in drowsiness.

After all done, a nurse woke me up, then I had to get up and walk back to the patients room by myself. Although still groggy by anesthesia, I took a glance at my breasts before they put thick bandages around them. 

How they looked so clean and beautiful (didn't see any bruises then)! That was the biggest relief. Thank you, doctors! 

It was about 10pm already when I returned to my bed, but the same friend who accompanied me kindly waited and also brought another good friend to say hello to me at the bed, which was so nice. The operation took 3 hours, which was more than expected, and I was told why it took that long later on.

The next morning I was out of the hospital. The same friend came to meet me, and another friend came to give us a ride to my apartment. They brought their best "natural" food for me to have a little tea party. Again, I was really fortunate.  

I could walk but I could not use my arms much, and I could not lie down because it was impossibly painful to get up due to the pain in the breasts. So I was supposed to rest in sitting posture for a while.

In the afternoon, my girl came home from school, and I greeted her in the bedroom. That I remember, but honestly I can't remember how we spent time the rest of the day and the next day. I was sure that I prepared meal for her, but I just don't remember.

Friday, June 7, 2013

12 The day of surgery

I was so thankful that the fund for my surgery arrived from New York, and that a couple of good  friends kindly committed to accompany me for clinic visits since none of my family was available, and also that a family friend would take care of my child while I was in hospital. I never felt this supported in my life before. I always felt guilty to ask, and felt I had to give much more in return. 

All I had to do was to let go of my fear and to take life's wonderful offers with gratitude, and to give what I purely wanted to in return, but not necessarily to the same person who gave.
I thought I'd already  "understood" the concept of unconditional love, but I always put myself on the giving side, but never, to come to think of it,  allowed myself on the receiving side. Now after opened up and receiving, I feel like I can give better!

I wore a bright-colored floral-printed shirt on the day of surgery to raise my spirit. I was a bit nervous but more excited to get cancer taken out of me and get brand new breasts by the top surgeon.

I was so lucky to have chosen this clinic,  because the doctor turned out to be well known and supposed to be one of the top breast surgeon specialized in both medical and plastic surgery, and most of all, considered best for simultaneous reconstruction. I had no idea!

Finally I was called up for treatment, and said good bye to my friend. After final blood tests, it seemed forever to wait on a bed, starving and thirsty waiting for my turn. I saw a patient with bloody gown loudly walked in, heard another patient talking about the silicon broke in her breast... I was hoping not to become scared. At that point I just wanted to get it done ASAP. After 6-7 hours after arriving at the clinic, I was finally called to the operation room. And into the room I walked in.....

Now, it's show time!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

11 "Don't fight cancer, or don't make it your enemy."

I kept myself busy until the surgery date. Had fun planning menus based on Rotation Diet in advance, preparing separate menu for my child, reading and researching, doing spiritual exercises including meditation, and job searching. Appreciated every single mundane thing that I thought once was normal or took for granted, or even complained about, and all the kind help, information, encouragement I received from friends and family. 

I didn't tell many people about my health status or focus too much about it because I believed that we make reality by giving too much attention to it. I wanted to avoid making my situation a "big deal". 

Anita Moorjani, who miraculously cured from terminal cancer by Near Death Experience stated, 

"Don't fight cancer, or don't make it your enemy." 

I totally agree with her, and nowadays I almost forgot about it. It opened up a door to me to the deep within, and by communicating with myself better, feeling all the feelings I had avoided, I succeed step by step with joy. 

Monday, June 3, 2013

10 Spiritual studies

As I was adopting these healthy diets, I was simultaneously learning to improve myself spiritually.

I discovered Eckhart Tolle several years ago, but it took me a while to accept my ego, after a long absence in spiritual way of life. I learned a lot from his teachings and had been influenced a lot, but his teachings admonished me mostly but had not given me joy (nevertheless I still admire Exckhart and read and watch his messages which are always beautiful).

Going back to 3 months prior to the diagnosis, as I mentioned briefly earlier, I was introduced to a life-changing wonderful book called "Things Are Going Great In My Absence" , and by reading I was receiving "Divine Openings" which leads you deeper within to reach spiritual enlightenment rather than searching outside for answers.

I was also briefly studying Abraham-Hicks Law of Attraction, which Divine Openings is partly based on, so it helped me sucked into the vibrational theory smoothly.

I can easily guess that this awareness must have accelerated delivery of happiness by finding breast cancer, thus everything started to get better by changing.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

09 Dr. Schulze

As I was trying Rotation Diet, which is the most simple and fundamental eating habit I ever learned, I also tried to avoid wheat, white rice, dairy, meat, greasy food, sugar, caffeine, alcohol as much as possible to Alkalize my system. As a result, I started getting compliments that I became lean and my skin texture became finer in a few weeks, and as much as I felt good about how I looked better outside, I was also happy that "inside" of me should look better as well.

I switched from cappuccino to soy latte first, since I could not cut cold turkey on coffee during work, then to soy milk with coffee substitutes. I switched from snacks to dry fruit and bananas, or steamed pumpkin with maple syrup.
I am not a good dieter at all and had a hard time adjusting.

As far as diet is concerned, after the surgery, I took it further to follow Dr. Schulze's diet , which recommends veganism, raw food, no salt, and vegetable juicing, which is Similar to Dr. Max Gerson's vegetable juicing method. Among great naturopathics, his was the most reachable for me. I recommend his site because his books about health are all available to read via PDF on his web site. He does not only sells his herbal formulas that cure all the diseases, but he recommends some techniques and habits for healthy way of living both physically and spiritually.

08 Ionic Foot Bath and Heat therapy by small iron

Thus, I decided to take surgery but still was not sure about taking chemical treatment afterwards. I was told that further treatment should be decided by the result of lymph node biopsy which was included in the surgery. However, in any case I was told that I would have to take some kind of chemical treatment because the result on the first biopsy looked pretty bad already.

So I tried to clean my system as much as possible by natural cure until the surgery so the result could be better. 

Here are what I tried besides the diet I mentioned earlier:

1. First of all, drink tons of (good) water.

Ionic foot bath which detoxes your system. I found that some health spa places in Los Angeles use them. This is fun because it is visible what your body is discharging by the color.

3. Heat therapy using small travel-size iron
To use small iron on heating organs, using a this towel. This was by a friend directly but no link to paste, so please contact me for details if you are interested.
This made me feel thirsty!